A Defense of Online Intimacy

We spoke about online friendships in class and I thought this was interesting because I never had one. I found it weird that you could connect with someone online on a ‘friends only’ level. I found an article, “Let’s Really be Friends” by Kyle Chayka, that cleared up a few misconceptions I had about online friendships. There is still stigma in this day and age about online friendships, especially when it comes to the  concept of “real intimacy”. There is a persistent doubt that real intimacy can only be achieved through a physical encounter. According to John Suler, author of The Psychology of Cyberspace, he wrote that people “tend to separate their online lives from their offline lives.” Online friendships are viewed with suspicion and they shouldn’t be; because these days everyone is an internet “friend”. The perception that online relationships are less real than one face to face is completely false. Contemporary identities and relationships are no more or less authentic. We spoke about the contemporary view of friendships in class and how this view is more realistic in regard to friendships today. Our friendships are more flexible, changing, and mobile; especially with the help of technology and the internet. I definitely agree that our friendships today are more contemporary as opposed to traditional because of the availability of being able to form and keep up with friendships, even when thousands of miles apart from one another. Personally, I keep in contact with my friends back home, even though I am at school miles away from them. Without the technology we have today, this would make it impossible for me to stay in contact with friends that aren’t physically close by.

There are various websites and forums online to form friendships that can eventually lead to “meetups.” In 1999, Matthew Haughey, a web designer launched MetaFilter, a general-interest online forum that still exists today. MetaFilter was created to help users share videos and other links from across the world. It also become known for it’s physical meetups. The first meetup happened in 2001. “I was incredibly nervous because I didn’t know anyone” according to Haughey. The meetup went so well that Haughey created a section on the website dedicated to planning meetups. Although, I have never gone to a website meet-up, I can imagine being anxious meeting people you met online, face to face. This can be nerve wrecking because one might not know what to expect. Meeting in person from online was uncommon, especially in 2001. Intimacy can now be developed in both physical and digital worlds, which can often cross freely between the two. The article emphasized that if people accepted an equal value of virtual friendships to their real-life conversations, a range of new connections can be opened up. I agree with this statement as some people like to separate online and face-to-face friendships and I also think some people may find it hard to intertwine the two. At the same time, I think combining both, can strengthen one’s friendship because this can create a greater bond and endless options of communication.