nonverbal communication by heather buechner

            In the first few weeks of class, we have learned a lot about communication. One thing we learned is that communication is multi channeled. Specifically, nonverbal communication has many different channels, meaning that we communicate through things such as gestures, facial expressions, proxemics, tone of voice, loudness, touch, etc. Many people refer to this nonverbal communication that we use as body language. Body language is an important part of communicating, because even though we talk to people everyday, many of the messages we pass to one another are actually unspoken. Of course, if we are simply texting or talking on the phone to one another these nonverbal cues are not being passed.

There is an article I found online from CBS news that talks about how important it is to understand nonverbal communication. In this article, CBS news explains that you can tell if someone is actually lying, by reading into their nonverbal actions, and seeing if these nonverbal cues match the words that they’re saying. The example CBS used involved someone saying, “It’s almost a done deal!” If this person’s body language was not consistent with this statement, such as if they fidgeted, or perhaps nervously tapped their fingers, or did not look you in the eyes, they might not be telling the complete truth. This inconsistency is called “leakage”.  We talked about eye contact in class, as well. Eye contact is important when talking to someone, because if we do not make eye contact, someone might think we are lying, or not interested in the conversation.

           

The CBS news article also talks about a concept called “matching”, or “mirroring” someone, which we talked about in class as well. This entails copying a person’s nonverbal behavior while you are talking to them, so that you are on the same level as them, or even creating a close and understanding relationship between the two of you. Some nonverbal behaviors that people usually mirror include crossing of the legs, clasping of the hands, nodding of the head, etc. I think this is an interesting technique, and I actually have found myself doing this in certain situations such as job interviews. There is a limit to how much you should mirror someone, however. You do not want to come off as mimicking them. This is the same with eye contact, CBS says, because too much eye contact can also be intrusive, but eye contact is definitely effective to an extent in creating a relationship with another person. The article actually recommends limiting eye contact to about two thirds of the conversation; any less can make you seem timid, and any more can make you seem too invasive.

Lastly, the article suggests that paying attention to the context of the situation is important as well. The example they used was if someone was in a meeting, and they had their arms crossed. This could mean that they did not approve of the idea being talked about, or they were not interested. However, if the room is cold, that could also be the reason for them crossing their arms. I agree that body language can mean a few different things depending on the situation. Therefore, it can be dangerous to assume meanings of body language without applying context.

The show Friends applies the use of body language in one of their episodes as well, with Joey Tribiani, when he practices what to do when he wins or loses an award. He actually ends up losing, and instead of making the appropriate gesture, which would be respectfully smiling, nodding, and clapping for the person that did win, he makes an angry face and slams his fist on the table. The camera actually catches him doing this, and he appears in the front of the room doing this in front of everyone. (Embarrassing, right?) After he notices he’s been caught, he quickly changes his facial expression, and smiles and claps for the winner. (Those of you that watch Friends probably know that this is typical behavior for Joey) All of these things he does, such as nodding, clapping, smiling, or even in contrast, making an angry facial expression, or slamming a fist on the table, represent a message that he sends to the people around him, whether he intends to send the message or not.

It is important to be aware of the nonverbal messages you are sending to others, because communication is not only multi-channeled, but it is continuous. You cannot take back messages you send to others; they will always remember the things you said, or the things you showed through nonverbal behaviors, or body language. The messages you send to others will in turn affect how they interact with you in the future. For example, imagine if you went to kiss someone, and they turned their head away. You would not treat them the same way you would if they instead, perhaps, kissed you back. In fact, you would treat them much differently, and you would probably never forget that moment in time when they turned away from you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMDHD-fHz0Q

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/understanding-nonverbal-communication/